in-2-me-u-c*
By Gordon Clay
Sex can be a wonderful way of getting close to another
human being. It can be an expression of love and caring,
an experience of safety and intimacy. It can make life
richer, warmer, easier. It can help a person remember the
truly benign nature of human beings. Sex can be a place
where each partner can show herself or himself more fully
than usual and experience being accepted and loved
deeply. Sex can be fun.
Unfortunately, most people do not experience sex in
this way very often, if ever. In order to experience even
some of the benefits of sex, people will endure many
difficulties, overlook many unsolved problems.
It appears that almost everyone has been badly hurt in
the area of sex. ("Abusers" are simply people who were
badly abused as children themselves.)
Sex is not as important as it is made to seem.
However, capitalist societies manipulate people to keep
them preoccupied with sex, to keep them feeling bad about
themselves, and to keep them buying products they
wouldn't want otherwise.
Human beings need closeness, touching, and loving. In
present societies people are taught that sex is the only
acceptable way to fully meet these needs. However, these
needs can be met without sex. Many Clearing the Air
graduates experience has been that as they become able to
cuddle, touch and be close, often with many people in
their lives, preoccupation with sex diminishes or
disappears. Thus sex loses much of its false
"importance."
Difficulties with sex are also an indication of
unhealed hurts. These hurts often impose severe
limitations on other areas of our functioning. Hurts in
the area of sex can affect our sense of power,
well-being, confidence, trust, creativity, and physical
mobility along with our ability to choose, to desire, to
think clearly, to set up good relationships, to be
close.
This is not an intellectual concept. Full recovery of
one's complete humanness requires releasing the unhealthy
behaviors which have become attached to sex by developing
a clear reference point within the body of non-sexual
intimacy.
Sex is not essential to our well-being, closeness is.
MORE
* How Stan Dale
spells intimacy - in-2-me-u-c.
* * *
Once the realization is accepted that even between the
closest people infinite distance exists, a marvelous
living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed
in loving the expanse between them. - Rainer Maria Rilke
(translated by Stephen Mitchell)

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